Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Something about him made me feel...


"What benefit does he give you if its something He doesnt like?" 
Those words hit me so hard that I fall right onto my nose for it. Its true though. Ive been quite "astray" (?) this whole while because of him. Well tak ada lah sangat pun. But really lah, he did actually distract me a little (read: a lot). I know what I've been doing all this while is something that I shouldnt be proud of let alone be happy about it, but I cant help myself. He made me feel like I'm on cloud nine ever since I met him though I knew its not a good thing cause its not 'halal'. Thats why Allah take it from me. Allah loves me :)

"Mungkin Allah hilangkan dia sebab kau dah terlalu sayang sangat kat dia more than you should"

Everything happens for a reason. Its not even the right time. You're only 20, Izzyani. Too young for such love. If he really is meant for you, he'll come back eventually. If he doesnt then you do know that Allah's plan is the greatest plan of all kan ? Something better awaits you, Izzyani.

"Please dont do this. I love you"

"There are teenage girls everywhere being thought that this is love.Love is not putting your partner's satisfaction before your own safety. Love is not jealousy dressed as protection. We are thought to swallow our protest in exchange for his apology. When my friends asked me why I stayed so long, why I accepted the roses and ignored the thorns ? I tell them, it is not easy to weed out the roots he planted in me. I tell them I was so captivated by the house he built for me. I didnt notice the locked door. I didnt noticed I was captive to this garden of guilt. I tell them I tried leaving, BECAUSE OF YOU"

24 awak, 4 more years and I lowkey still hoping you're the one. If you're not, then He'll show me eventually :)

Till then

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Kenapa kau datang balik?



I was doing fine already. A month. The longest time aku tak bercakap dengan kau.
Kenapa kau datang balik ?
Even semua benda dah settle pun. Things will never be the same. Ye aku lega dah bagitahu semua benda. Aku lega kau dah mengaku silap kau.
Kenapa kau datang balik ?
Macam mana baiknya you'll treat me after this. Macam mana teruk pun aku dah caci maki kau. Aku tak akan pernah okay. Tak kan.
Kenapa kau datang balik ?



Monday, July 18, 2016

Summary of my first year at Dental School :)





Alhamdulillah. I survived my first year of dental school. Pheww what a journey (BARU FIRST YEAR YANIE LEK LUU). It's definitely one hell of a roller coaster ride man. Sumpah baru first year dah rasa mcm ni hahahaha year 5 nanti macam mana lah.

Semester 1

Orientation dengan ex pasum 14/15

So basically masa sem 1, belajar semua related to basic medical science. Apa budak medic belajar, kitaorang pun belajar jugak. Kadang rasa masa sem 1, aku terfikir, aku amik dental ke medic ni ? Sebab sumpah subject dental tu seciput gila. So, antara subject yang perlu diambil masa sem 1 :

Anatomy
Physiology
Biochemistry
Pathology
Microbiology
Pharmacology
Oral Biology
and other univ sub (english, titas, sc comp, hbu)

And to be honest I did very badly masa sem 1. But its okay sebab senior cakap memang every year everyone akan flunk their sem1. So its normal !! hahaha 

@ broga hills with 'em batchmates 

 Belajar kat sini guna module. Masa sem 1 kitaorg ada 3 module which is General Module, Musculoskeletal module and also Haemophoitic and Lymphoid module. General Module weh paling masyaAllah sekali. Tak boleh brain dia punya banyak tu.

our very first PBL presentation with 'em group C members

Dinner with 'em housemates

Acacah awal2 dulu nak amik paediatric dentistry but it might change (sebab ttibe oral surgery mcm best heheheheh)

Semester 2 

Okay sem 2 baru rasa macam budak dental sebab ada subject Prosthodontic and also Operative Dentistry and Endodontics (ODE). Masa ni aku belajar mcm mana nk buat gigi palsu and also nak main tampal-tampal gigi. Seronok ? Uishhhh susah dooo. Prostho lah paling hectic. Kalau ODE boleh lah so so je hehe. 


Tak ada lah cantik mano but okay lah tu 

So kalau belajar tu macam a bit relax for this semester sebab ada 2 module je which is cardiovascular module and respiratory module. Bagi aku best sebab dia macam specific tu one organ. Dari sini lah kau boleh belajar macam mana orang boleh kena darah tinggi semua. And haritu final aku buat better lah daripada sem 1 and fingers crossed for the result nanti. Hopefully okay ! Even sem 2 ni ada 2 module je but still hectic jugak sebab subj dental pulak. Terkejar kejar nak siapkan gigi palsu tu. By the time orang lain dah balik lepas habis kelas, kitaorang kena stay petang2 kat lab siapkan kerja. Penat memang penat. Nak buat macam mana jalan ni yang aku pilih hoho. 


Ni gambar raya dengan group C. Group paling bising lah sheshhh. Masa ni tengah final. Baru lepas paper MCQ. And esoknya ada OSPE. Tapi kitaorg dah beraya dulu sebab wehhhh come on lah raya kottttt. Ingat seronok ke beraya dalam exam hall ???? Sedih kot *nangis*

And this is my batchmatesss !! 

5 years with this nerds and I really hope we can enjoy it to the max and pls harap kita semua grad sama2 on time. InsyaAllah :)


Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Final Sem 2



"Jika kamu tidak dapat menahan lelahnya belajar, maka kamu akan menanggung perihnya kebodohan"

Penat bilamana kau kena belajar bio 24/7 ?
Rindu mathematics?
Petang petang mana elok nak menghafal ?
Tapi dentistry memang 100% menghafal ?

Kalau adik-adik sanggup, ayuhlah join kami di UiTM Sungai Buloh *hyperventilating*

SAQ/MEQ - 13th July
MCQ/SCA - 14th July
OSPE - 15th July

Lepastu ? MERDEKA !

(JK. Kau ada lagi 8 semester, Izzyani. Jangan berangan)

Goodluck rakan rakan seperjuangan :)



Monday, May 30, 2016

Bodoh

"Percayalah yanie, in the future bila kau ingat balik banyak mana air mata kau jatuh sebab dia. Banyak mana masa kau terbuang sebab fikir pasal dia. Fikir pasal apa salah kau buat kat dia ni. Dalam mana luka kat hati kau sebab dia. Kau akan rasa diri kau sangat BODOH"

Aku tak faham orang sekeliling aku. Sangat tak faham. Sakit ? Sangat sangat sakit.
Rasa macam kena betray teruk gila. Sedangkan selama ni aku jaga pergaulan aku dengan orang sekeliling. Kau buat apa ? Kau langsung tak fikir apa aku rasa. Langsung tak jaga hati aku. Mungkin itu satu benda yang aku tak tahu pasal kau.
Mesti kau rasa kau paling hebat kan boleh buat macam ni. Tak ingat ke dulu aku yang tolong kau ? Bukan nak mengungkit. Tak. Tapi bilamana orang pandang rendah kat aku sedangkan dialah orang yg aku tolong dulu, rasa dikhianati tu sangat kuat.
4/6 ni genap 2 bulan. 2 bulan yang maha seksa. Move on ? Mungkin tidak. Bega ? Degil ? Kau sendiri yang gelar aku mcm tu. Harapan tinggi menggunung aku dapat. In the end ? Sampah! Sakit sangat. Rasa macam hati kena toreh. Aku tak kuat. Tak pernah kuat. Tapi, aku pegang dengan janji kau. Umur 26 ? Aku tak pernah lupa benda tu. Even waktu entry ni ditulis pun, crystal water kat mata laju turun macam air terjun. Aku tak kuat. Izzyani tak kuat. Kenapa buat Izzyani macam ni ?


"Sebab kau BODOH, Izzyani. Bodoh!"


Monday, May 16, 2016

Tak boleh


Bukan aku tak cuba. Aku cuba. Tapi tak boleh. Sangat tak boleh. Aku try nak sibukkan diri. Tapi tak jalan. Kenapa orang tak boleh nak faham aku ? Bila aku nak sibukkan diri dengan belajar, bila aku nak tunjuk kat dia yang aku still boleh berjaya, bila aku nak kuatkan diri terima semua yang dah jadi ni, kenapa semua nak menghalang ?

Kenapa buat muka bila aku cakap aku nak belajar ?
Kenapa buat muka bila aku tak nak ikut ?
Kenapa buat muka bila aku tak semangat nak join apa apa event ?
Kenapa kacau aku setiap kali aku nak belajar ?


Bukan ke korang yang suruh aku kuat ? Bukan ke korang yang suruh aku tunjukkan kat dia yang aku still boleh eventhough dia tak ada ? Bukan ke korang yang suruh aku lupakan dia ?
Aku penat. Penat sangat nak jaga hati semua orang. Sedangkan hati aku sendiri pun tak terjaga...

"Persetankan apa yang orang nak cakap. Kau yang kawal kehidupan kau. Kenapa nak kena dengar cakap orang ?"
"Jaga hati kau dulu yanie"
"Kau boleh. Aku tahu kau kuat :)"

Boleh ke ?


Friday, May 13, 2016

Daripada seorang sahabat


May peace be upon you

"Yang sakit itulah yang baik. Aku just nak yang terbaik je untuk kau. Ingat saja saja je ke aku buat macam tu. He does not deserve your loyalty, your love and of course YOUR TEARS. Show to him kau boleh hidup lagi baik tanpa dia. Dia tu bukan sesiapa pun, he's just a guy yang tak reti menghormati perempuan do, acah-acah sayang, bagi harapan pastu blah. Tak rasa damn ke chimpanzee tu ? Lupakan dia, padam semua bekas yang dia tinggal pls sayang. And if you still want to wait for him, takde sapa boleh halang kecuali Allah. Ingat satu benda je, kalau dia memang dah tertulis untuk kau, dah jadi mcm ni pon one fine day he will still be yours. BUT, bear in mind, takdir Allah kita tak tahu, dan jangan terus berharap pada yang tak pasti. Just go with the flow and keep praying. Allah is the one who knows and gives everything that is good for you. Whisper to the earth, He will hear you"

"Semua orang sayang kau. Kitaorang ada untuk kau. Kenapa nak ignore kitaorang yang sayang kau ni hanya semata mata seorang yang dah benci kau?"

Sekarang aku patut buat apa ? Ye. Berdoa.


Thursday, May 12, 2016

Reasons ?





May peace be upon you.
"Don't get carried away with your problems. Allah won't burden you to the extent you can't hold it no more."
 Allah sayang aku. Sebab tu dia uji. Dia rindu nak dengar suara tangis aku memohon ampun dan petunjuk. Selama ni aku leka. Alpa. Aku tak tahu apa yang aku cari. Sebab ? Mungkin ya.

Ya. Aku memang seorang yang mendesak. Selagi aku tak dapat jawapan yang aku nak, selagi tu aku akan cari.

Resistance of air in the lung is the highest in the smallest airways - False (Medical & Dental student mesti familiar sangat dah dengan soalan true false macam ni)
Kenapa false ? Selagi aku tak dapat jawapan nya selagi tu aku tak akan puas hati. Ya. Setelah berhempas pulas mengoogle (tak. aku tipu je. Dr. yg bagi jawapan), aku akhirnya dapat jawapan.
Resistance of air in the lung is NOT the highest when in the smallest airway sebab even the airway is small, ia branched. Yes I know. Smallest airway has smallest radius and are expected to have the highest resistance. Meaning airway kat sini ialah bronchiole. TAPI sepertimana yang kita tahu bronchiole ni bercabang and it is also arrange in parallel. So resistance of air tak tinggi pun. Air can still pass easily.

Saje share apa aku belajar harini. Ye, dental student also learn about lung. Kalau kau rasa kau nak amik dentistry sebab nak skip all those medical stuff and learn only about gigi, memang kau silap. Kau tak kan dapat lari daripada semua ni.

Reasons ? Aku dah dapat jawapan yang aku cari selama ni. Terima kasih awak :)
Tenang ? Mungkin ya. Sedikit.
Dan mungkin juga tidak.
Maafkan ? boleh.
Lupakan ? InsyaAllah tak.
Semua benda yang jadi aku akan jadikan pengajaran. Yang manis, aku simpan. Yang pahit, aku telan.
"What you give, you'll get back" :)
Apa pun. nama awak akan sentiasa ada dalam doa saya.
Terima kasih MSZ

Monday, May 2, 2016

Teach


Kau datang tanpa diundang. Tapi bukan salah kau. Allah dah aturkan macam ni. Siapa aku nak persoalkan ?

"His plan is always the best"

Ye. Aku tahu. You taught me so many things.

He sends my picture, "Eeee pendeknya awak ni. Macam toyol HAHAH"
"Eleh toyol ni gak yang awak sayang kan"
"Awak tahu kan toyol suka curi duit"
"Awak nak cakap saya suka mencuri lah ni ??!", aku marah. Eh sukahati dia je cakap aku toyol. Mana boleh biar macam ni. Oh tak boleh tak boleh.
"Hey, dengar dulu. Toyol saya jumpa ni dia tak curi duit pun"
"Habistu apa ?!" , buat muka, still marah.
"Dia curi hati saya" - Syafiq, 2015.

CIA CIA CIAAA.

Your presence gave such big impact to my life. Serious. Tak tipu.
You taught me how to appreciate my family.
You taught me how to not stressed out during exams.
You taught me how to toreh getah eventhough I had no idea what you are talking about.
You taught me how orang nogori talks.
You taught me how to love.
You taught me how long distance relationship works.
You taught me so many things in life that I should cherish before its too late.
But,
there's only one thing you didn't teach me.

You didn't teach me how to live without you.